My plate is more than full and I have slowly become the mom I always secretly judged. The mom who forgets things like her 4 year-old daughter's pumpkin for carving day at preschool or the mom who misplaced the field trip flyer and had to scramble to make it work out last minute. Or here is a good one the mom who never even knew there was an assembly that her second grade daughter was singing in & didn't show up. For those of you who really know me, you will agree this is not Amanda Hanson behavior, not in the least. But I have somehow been buried under this chaos and simply trying to make it through the days, obviously not doing the best job. We have had tears, frustrations and unmet expectations, but I choose to reflect on the lessons in humanity & forgiveness. Letting my children down has been extremely difficult for the perfectionist in me, but their love and understanding during these unusual circumstances triumphs.
Early last week we all agreed it was time to decompress and get away. So Monday night at 9 pm I was online booking tickets to Scottsdale. Fourteen hours later I was on the airplane with my kiddos (that included dropping our dogs off at the kennel at 7 am)! During the craze to pack & get out of here I wondered if it was the right decision. Well let me tell you, after the first hour of 90 degrees poolside I was certain I made the best decision! We laughed, played and reconnected in a way that we really needed. We even got to see Bryan the last two days, which is always a bonus! Hayden had zero processing while we were away & we were able to increase all of his foods. I really think the dryer climate suits him and I am certain the low stress level is a huge component in his progression forward. If only we could stay in vacation mode the for the remainder of our treatment time ~ I wish.
As we approached our last day the kids begged us to go bike riding after breakfast. My intuition was saying "no" because we bike weekly here. My kids are used to 15-20 mile rides on the Minuteman Trail by our townhouse, so why would we bike during our last day by the pool? The kids and my husband decided it would be fun & of course I went along as I did not want to be the stick in the mud. Oh how I wished I would have been. Four miles in my son is acting like a nut on his bike and swerving like crazy on the open path. I tell him firmly that he needs to stop because he is going to get hurt. Moments later I am somehow ahead of the family and I here screaming coming from behind. You guessed it, Mr Hayden decided to ignore my advice and wiped out, big time. Now here comes the low point (well one of them) in my mothering career. I turn around and go back, at this point Bryan is on the ground with him (the way a good parent should be) & I say "I told you to stop swerving, I knew this was going to happen." Oh yes, you can see it now. My husband looks at me like I am heartless & all I can muster up is, "You will be fine, get back on your bike and let's head back." I literally had to ride ahead because my compassion reserves were empty and I had nothing to give. Let Bryan handle this one. He is always telling me I need more time to myself, so I decided to take it, about 1/4 mile ahead of them all the way back.
The Hyatt proceeds to make a huge deal of our situation and next thing I know Bryan & Hayden are being escorted into a car and driven to the ER. "Are you serious, this is how we will be spending our last day at the resort? What about family time (that we so freakin desperately need) by the pool?" So the next four hours they sit in the ER & I sit poolside with my girls. Not what I had expected.
Hayden came home with inconclusive X-rays & a splint. Perfect. Now that means more appointments. Hell why not, it's not like I have anything better to do. Why not take Hayden out of school more often, it's not like the days he gets out already for his treatments aren't enough. Let's see just how far behind he can get in his studies. My sarcasm runs deep.
Today we were at Boston Children's to find out that he did in fact break his scaphoid. He will be in a cast for two weeks and then he will have an MRI done to see if he needs surgery. I am begging for all prayer warriors to pray that Hayden is healed and good to go in a few weeks without surgery. We literally cannot have another blow to his treatment. He is devastated that he is missing hockey every night and practically cried tonight because he NEEDS to be on the ice.
Just another week in the crazy Hanson household I suppose.
Amanda
