Thank You God

I honestly cannot comprehend that in 150 days we head home to Colorado! What an achievement, what a victory, so much to celebrate.

We can eat out, travel the world, go to parties without bringing "special food"; my son will be able to navigate through high school, college and the rest of his life without feeling fearful of food. Is this for real? Why does it all seem too good to be true?

I am seeing him eat all of these foods, which one year ago would have killed him within minutes. He is gaining weight and thriving like no other time in his life. I am more emotional about all of this now than I was before. I can barely talk about our journey without crying.

I am elated, but somewhat in a state of shock. The first several months I was living in a super heightened state of awareness, a fight or flight phenomenon. What I had done to my family was so drastic, what if it didn't work?

Well now that it has, I am coming up for air and what I am seeing and experiencing are almost too much for my senses. When your child is given a life long diagnosis and top doctors in the country tell you that this treatment will never work, it takes a while for your mindset to shift.

It is taking my head time to catch up with what my eyes are seeing... and once that happens, my heart (which has been so guarded this entire time) opens to the possibilities for my sweet boy... and this is precisely when my emotions come flooding out.

All I ever wanted and dreamed for him is happening. The joy in his eyes and the love in his hugs tells me I did the right thing. This has been no walk in the park, there have been very dark days. Moments where I truly questioned if I had made the right decision. Nights where I cried myself to sleep full of worry for my family. I often wondered how I, as one person, would be able to meet the physical, social, emotional, educational and health needs of all three children. There were days that I fell short, but the older children rose to the occasion.

What we have created during this journey will last us forever. I am connected to my children in a way that I never would have been without this experience. My husband has been my #1 cheerleader the entire time, never questioning me and my renegade ways. And for myself, I have learned about forgiveness... saying "I am sorry" and letting go of resentment.

What a journey.......... What an honor............ Thank You God.

Amanda

"What does not kill me makes me stronger." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Feeling Victorious!

We went home to Colorado for the holiday break and spent two glorious weeks there. Life in my community is truly like living in Mayberry. It honestly does not get any better. The lifestyle is laid back, people are friendly and if someone beeps their horn, they simply want to wave to you! :) The people are highly educated, socially astute and progressive in their thinking. The climate, well it speaks for itself, 300 days of sun per year. And who can forget about those breathtaking mountains ~ Vail, Aspen, Breckenridge, Keystone, Winter Park, & on & on & on the list goes.

Two days ago, as I packed our bags to leave, OUR HOME, it hit me like a ton of bricks... the gravity of what me and the children are doing... this grueling, stressful, always overwhelming decision to move east & heal my son. Is it worth every sacrifice? Without a doubt. What am I most impressed with? My children's ability to be so resilient and to not even question why we had to go back for five more months. They are leaving everything they love behind, their amazing friends, community, school, home, cozy bedrooms & daddy. I have never been more proud to be their mama.

I recently designed a necklace for myself that is a circle with my kiddos names on it. The circle represents my unending love for them. I also chose a pearl which represents love, success and happiness, all of which have been a huge part of our journey out east. There is also a tiny heart to remind me daily to give love to them... unconditionally.

As I was driving (alone in the car) today I had a moment that went something like this.

"I cannot believe Hayden ate two bowls of whole wheat pasta for dinner last night!"

"Crazy isn't it that he brought Oreos in his lunch box today?"

"Unreal that he loves his chocolate yogurt smoothie every morning."

And then I heard his sweet voice, that said to me last night, "Mom, it's like I have landed on Mars. It's all so strange and exciting at the same time. Every time I taste new foods my tastebuds are overwhelmed and then I realize I like it & I want more."

YES! YES! YES!

IT IS WORKING!!!!!!! WE ARE DOING IT!!!!!

Amanda

"Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit." Bern Williams