My Littlest One Gave Me the Greatest Gift

My sweet Maggie who is three weeks shy of turning four continues to be a source of continual inspiration for me. But today was different. Today I really got it... the message that God wanted me to get... the one I had been missing for way too long because I was so busy trying to get her "caught up."

Maggie has a profound hearing loss and has been wearing hearing aides for six months now. Up until her diagnosis I had her in speech therapy twice per week and worked endlessly with her. At age two her hearing tests came back fine and I assured myself that if I worked even more with her she would be okay. Maybe the 9.5 months of only hearing Spanish in Guatemala really was affecting her more than I realized. Maybe she was strong willed and did not want to talk. Maybe the rest of the family did all the talking for her, so she remained quiet. When my two-year-old was not speaking, I made every excuse and believed that in due time she would start talking & never stop. But sadly that never happened.

A few months after Maggie turned three I contacted Children's Hospital in Denver and insisted that her hearing be tested again. This time they did an ABR (Auditory Brain Stem Response) and the results were overwhelming. Maggie is approximately 70% deaf. I wept when I heard those words. A mixture of relief, fear and sadness. I wondered how I would handle this for all her years to come. I questioned if she had ever really heard my voice and the endless, "I love you" that I whispered to her every night. While I was receiving this news she was still in recovery and in my arms. As I cried, my sweet angel wiped my tears and I vowed in that moment to be strong & to be the advocate she needed me to be, nothing less, not for a minute.

I wish I could say that I was always true to that promise. There have been days of frustration, days where it felt like she would never form a two word sentence. Days where her frustration in trying to communicate has led to temper tantrums. I have watched her try to befriend other children to only be shunned because she could not communicate. My heart has been broken more times than I ever thought I could bear. That pain has kept me going in my refusal to let her receive adequate services. My Maggie deserves the best from a preschool and I was determined she would get it (and then some)!

After many appointments here in Boston, with the world renowned Mass Eye & Ear we know that for the time being her hearing is not degenerating. She is also on an IEP at a phenomenal school where she is on an FM system all day and is pulled out of the classroom four times per week to receive special services with speech therapy and to work with a teacher for the hard of hearing who teaches Maggie how to hear & listen. Another blessing for us during our time here in Massachusetts.

All in due time I tell myself. We will get there. But today there was a moment~ a moment in which all my worries faded away~ a moment where Maggie made me realize that today is all that matters, limited language and all, just love and accept me right here mama, today. It was a moment that sounded something like this. As I was driving and approaching a green light Maggie said, "Green, go mom." As I turned she clapped her chubby little hands and said "Nice job mom."

A moment that taught me to relish her innocence and her "baby talk" and all the joy she lives her life with. Several times a day she will hear a bird chirping, a distant siren or a school bell and she will touch her ears and ask, "Hear that?"

I vow to slow down and hear it all.

Amanda

"I have always thought it would be a blessing if each person could be blind and deaf for a few days during his early adult life. Darkness would make him appreciate sight; silence would teach him the joys of sound." ~ Helen Keller